Tears of Suicidal Depression
by Mare Tranquillitatis
Summary: Well, you see, since Harry is dead, Luna wants to kill herself. And anyway, Harry loved Hermione who loved you Neville, and you love Luna, who loves Harry, who loved Hermione..."


Tears of Suicidal Depression  
  
Characters:   
  
Harry Potter: The main character and also the first to commit suicide. He loves Hermione but Hermione is dating Ron, and so, this is reason enough to throw himself off of the North Tower  
  
Hermione Granger: Loved by Harry Potter but is dating Ron Weasley while secretly lusting after Neville Longbottom. But Neville loves Luna Lovegood.   
  
Ron Weasley: Loves Hermione, but is saddened when he finds out his best friend commited suiced because he couldn't have Hermione and his girlfriend (Hermione) loves Neville.  
  
Neville Longbottom: Loves Luna Lovegood who loves Harry Potter. This makes him angry.   
  
Luna Lovegood: Loves Harry Potter and is seriously depressed when he commits suicide.   
  
Draco Malfoy: Evil and sinister but happens to have a liking for the fiery tempered Ginny Weasley who happens to secretly long for Draco's best friend Blaise Zabini (male)  
  
Ginny Weasley: Loves Blaise Zabini who is secretly gay and loves Ron Weasley.   
  
Blaise Zabini: Loves Ron Weasley but is mad when Ron loves Hermione.   
  
Profesor Snape: Not in love with anyone and hides in his dark dungeon only emerging for meals. He is not aware of the ensuing drama....  
  
Harry Potter had commited suicide. The whole school was buzzing with the sad news. Some girls who had been crushing after him were crying their eyes out claiming that now they would NEVER get to marry him and live in a huge house with too many kids to count. Even though they wouldn't have anyway; being too shy to confront him.   
  
In the Great Hall, Hermione Granger was extremely puzzled by Harry's actions. Sure, his godfather had died and his parents before that and it seemed that Harry had a life that was just a bit too stressful for anyone to handle... but why would he go so far as to kill himself? She instead turned to cry onto Ron's shoulder.   
  
Ron Weasley sighed, wishing Harry was back. Sure, he had won the race to get to Hermione and have sex with her first... but that didn't mean he wouldn't miss Harry, his best friend in the entire world. He shrugged and dug into his pudding.   
  
Hermione was done crying and turned to her left where Neville was sitting, she sniffled and then started to cry on his shoulder instead. Neville didn't care as he was watching Luna Lovegood cry to Ginny.   
  
"If only he had eaten a weird mythical plant that is featured in my father's magazine this week, he would have survived!" Luna cried. Ginny patted her on the back in a friendly manner, secretly looking over her shoulder at Blaise Zabini who was laughing about Harry's death with Draco Malfoy. Ginny's smile became a frown as Draco turned to sneer at her. But little did she know that sneer held more than spite... it actually held such meanings as LOVE and LAUGHTER and HAPPINESS, not to mention fluffy bunnies named Fifi and Yolanda.   
  
Ginny turned back around to pout as she was wont to do and Luna just cried some more.   
  
Draco Malfoy glared at his friend, he knew that Ginny secretly lusted for Blaise, but he wished she didn't. Then she could possibly be his. He had suddenly found himself liking her after she had called him a two faced monstrosity who happened to have a very sexy smile and a pretty cool Latin based name that meant Dragon.   
  
She was his dream girl.   
  
Especially since she was a rotton poor Weasley girl with a fiery temper that was hard to get along with.   
  
But she had boobs, that was all he needed.   
  
Blaise would be dead that night.   
  
Blaise was blissfully unawares...   
  
Profesor Snape glared at the entire school gathered to witness Harry's funeral. The crazy Loony Lovegood was crying over him saying she loved him and would miss him. A smile came to Profesor Snape, replacing his glare as he realized that Harry was dead!  
  
It was a good day for Snape...  
  
Blaise Zabini conveniently found an empty seat next to Ron Weasley and gave him a smile/sneer. Ron glared back. Oh, how Blaise loved his glares.   
  
"So, I bet you're pretty upset about your friend being dead and all," Blaise commented.   
  
"What do you think?" Ron spat.   
  
Blaise shrugged, "That I love you."  
  
"What?" Ron gasped.   
  
Draco came from behind and killed Blaise with a switchblade given to him by the Lady of the Mall Fountain.   
  
Ron sighed, "Phew, I owe you for that one Malfoy."  
  
"You bet you do." Draco sneered, tucking the blade away, eyeing anyone who had turned to stare in horror at the sight of Malfoy killing his best friend. But they quickly turned away and shrugged, it wasn't THAT uncommon.   
  
Neville was seen kneeling next to Luna who was still crying over Harry, "Luna... I'm sorry about Harry."  
  
"Yeah... m-me t-too," she sniffled.   
  
Neville sighed.   
  
A scream was heard from the back of the room, someone yelled out, "Hermione found Draco Malfoy's switchblade and just killed herself with it!"  
  
"Why!?!?" Ron stood up and screamed at the ceiling.   
  
A random person appeared looking mysteriously like Saint Hank bearing the Holy 'fro of the Brotha's, "She is... was... secretly lusting after Neville who is secretly lusting after Luna who is secretly lusting after Harry who was secretly lusting after Hermione who was, like I said, secretly lusting after Neville who is secretly lusting after..."  
  
"I get the point okay?" Ron crossed his arms in annoyance and went in search of Hermione's dead body.   
  
Saint Hank rolled his eyes and muttered, "Wizards..."  
  
Meanwhile, Ginny was crying over Blaise's body and wondering who the bloody bastard was that had KILLED her love! She immediately turned to glare with tear-filled eyes at Draco Malfoy. But why would he kill his best friend? He didn't look too upset though...   
  
She decided to go cry to him instead, "You killed my true love!"  
  
"I killed him for you! He was gay Ginny and lusted after your brother... besides, I love you..." Draco informed her.   
  
"Oh..." Ginny looked confused and tried to work everything out in her head, "Okay!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him senseless.   
  
Off in the corner of the room, Profesor Snape watched the proceedings in amusement.   
  
Ron was crying over his (dead) girlfriend, "Noooo! Why??? Don't answer that," Ron quickly recovered before Saint Hank could begin his logical speech again.   
  
Ron quickly took the knife from Hermione's chest and with a grand wave of his hand, he hit the wall with it and winced with pain. Cursing to himself, Hermione arose from the dead and stabbed him with the switchblade of Draco Malfoy given to him by the Lady of the Mall Fountain to save Ron the trouble. They both dropped to the ground, together.   
  
Blaise, already being dead, wasn't able to cry over his love, Ron, and therefore couldn't commit suicide.   
  
But Draco didn't care because he was currently having sex with Ginny.   
  
Their relationship was special.   
  
Luna sniffled as she realized what Harry's death had done to them all. Harry had died and then Hermione had stabbed herself when she realized that Neville could never be hers (Luna felt a bit boastful when she found out that Neville loved HER instead of Hermione) and Ron had killed himself when Hermione had died.   
  
What was the world of Hogwarts coming to?  
  
With a glance at the dead body of Blaise Zabini, and the sexaholics in the forms of Ginny and Draco, she stood to her feet and crossed the room. Finding the stairs, she climbed up to a balcony that is now there because it adds to the plot. She took a deep breath and said, "Harry, I'm coming to..." she screamed as she tripped and fell over the edge... plummeting to her death.   
  
She was suddenly suspended in the air though as she waited for Neville to cry, "No!" and came peering over the edge at her, "Why?"  
  
Cue Saint Hank!  
  
"Well, you see, since Harry is dead, Luna wants to kill herself. And anyway, Harry loved Hermione who loved you Neville, and you love Luna, who loves Harry, who loved Hermione..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Neville shot back, he turned to Luna, "I'm coming with you Luna!"  
  
Luna resumed her falling with a yelp and died. Neville joined her. Snape giggled to himself.   
  
The only other people who were still alive were Ginny, Draco, and Snape. Oh, and Saint Hank, but he doesn't count because he's a saint.   
  
Ginny and Draco were done 'making love' and sat down in seperate chairs.   
  
"Let's discuss depressing things about our pasts to make our relationship seem even more special than it really is," Ginny sighed.   
  
"All right, well, you already know that I am beaten cruelly even though my skin is perfect and flawless," Draco responded.   
  
"Oh right, and I'm STILL having nightmares about a certain Chamber of Secrets even though I was passed out through the whole thing."  
  
Continuing their conversation... Snape felt very depressed and commited suicide as well just by stepping into the sunlight.   
  
Later, Ginny found out Draco was cheating on her with his cousin Fleur Delacour and she commited suicide by hanging herself from Fleur's closet.   
  
Draco, still in love with Ginny but needing more excitement in his life by cheating on her with his own flesh and blood, jumped off the Eiffel Tower.  
  
Fleur shrugged and had Draco's baby.   
  
And Saint Hank went off to explain MORE fanfiction love shapes.   
  
THE END. 


End file.
